Kerala Redux

Once upon a time in Kerala

My story stood peeking around a corner.

It waited on tiptoes behind the curtains, waiting for an audience

It hid in dark rooms, waiting to be rescued

And it crept through long corridors on stormy nights

To ambush me

And you.

This is the story of a God that resides in coconut trees

And is sometimes benevolent and sometimes not.

It is a story of a fisherman's song

That matches the ebb and flow of the tides.

It is a story of men with red and green faces whose dance

Chases away hobgoblins.

It is a story of food that makes you weep

With its aroma of love, loss and longing.

It is a story of food that makes you love

With the memories that it evokes.

It is a story of a thousand tinkling laughs in a thousand glass bottles.

It is a story often meandering, and often tall,

Dear reader, do not judge me, for I might just trip and fall.

A strange three-headed monster on certain full moon nights

And a lesser god on the other days of the year

This tree gave birth to a hundred coconuts

That went forth and conquered the world.

And one fine day,

A hundred coconuts dropped all at once and were scattered over the land.

Riven from the sheltered boughs and protective fronds.

These orphan spheres appeared on the horizon

Like a hundred fallen moons from some distant galaxy,

The hundred coconuts came of age under the sun and by the sea.

The hundred coconuts oozed their sweet milk over the land.

The hundred coconuts nourished the daughters of the soil with their succulent meat.

The hundred coconuts were transformed into the mysterious quintessence

Of fish curries, pot roasts, avials, and custards.

The hundred coconuts cracked open

to reveal a glimpse of a colonized world of the future.  

Of kitchens in thrall of this alien fruit

Of cooks offering deep obeisance to this grand oval of green

Of mothers using the hard brown nut.

As a charm against all evil.

Of little children sucking the last drop of sweet coconut water

Through neon-green plastic pipes.

Of big corporations marketing its coconut products

To divas with Gucci sunglasses perched on their delicately powdered noses

Carrying retro jute bags and eating organic tofu.

The hundred coconuts changed the destinies of men.

The hundred coconuts created food fit for kings

The hundred coconuts desiccated the swamps and turned them into plantations

The hundred coconuts became signifiers of health, wealth and prosperity

And many years later

The hundred coconuts blew away in a gale

Leaving behind a seed of doubt and possibility

In the minds of men who had lived through these times.

Many moons passed

And many a child grew into the pink of youth

In the midst of political turbulence

And economic upheavals.

Young men left the land in search of greener pastures 

In the desert land across the world.

They built double-storey homes with pink walls and bathroom tiles 

Perched precariously on their picturesque village greens.

They came home two weeks in a year,

An army of haggard men,

An army of bent men

An army of hollow men

Lugging their broken spirits and slipped discs along with the new 21-inch colour tvs.

The coconut crops had been failing

The water wasn't as sweet anymore.

The people forgot the lesser gods

Who presided over domestic corners. 

An amnesiac race poured gallons of milk 

Over the Creators and Destroyers of the world.

Only a handful of ancient, toothless women would go hunting for a coconut tree

On the hottest summer afternoon of the year.

"We must find him. The God of all our Small Things," they would mutter and hobble away into the distance. 

One spring morning, 

A young bride dressed herself in her day-old wedding finery

She tied her vermillion smeared hair 

Into a loose knot

And walked hesitantly

To the bullock cart which would carry her toward adulthood

In a matter of a few hours. 

She swayed from side to side 

Her shoulders grazing those of her husband of a few hours.

She shed a silent tear 

Of love, loss and longing 

As the trees and fields of her childhood games 

Filtered through the flimsy gold gauze of her wedding veil

Disappeared into the horizon 

With the suddenness of a magic trick.

A random stone 

Crippled the bull

And punctuated the doleful ride

With a much-needed stop.

The swollen-eyed bride peeked out from under her veil 

And looked skywards on a whim.

And a few feet away, she saw it for the first time.

The strange three-headed monster

That was growing out of the soil.

A hundred baby coconuts hung ponderously from its delicate limbs.

The bride looked up in awe forgetting her veil and her husband of a few hours

She simply pointed and muttered a half remembered phrase from her grandmother’s tales,

“This is the God of Small Things.  

He has returned to our land again 

And now we will live happily ever after, she said with a watery smile."

A Devil and a Crab

Prologue:

My earliest crab memory dates back to when I was a wee child who woke up in the middle of the night to a strange rustling sound. 

I awoke from my stupor and swung my legs over the side of the bed only to land on something hard, scaly...and moving...

Too young to know about the critters and too old to believe that the ground had turned into a hungry monster, curiosity made me flip the switch of the night lamp.

And there...scurrying away from the warm yellow spotlight...on the purple tiled floor of my parent's 1st floor apartment in a respectable neighbourhood...was a red crab the size of my fist. I quickly yanked my foot away from the ground...only to see another cheeky creature dashing under my bed.

I remember yelling like a banshee. I remember jumping up and down on bed thinking it was the worst nightmare come alive. My house was overrun with crabs and we were about to be taken down by the scarlet army waving their pincers high!

I also remember thinking that it was the most exciting thing that had ever woken me up in all the years of my existence.

Soon, however, the parents appeared along with the cook who was the cause of the crustacean invasion. She had bought fresh (read: alive and scuttling) crabs in a basket from her seaside home and somehow over the course of the next five minutes the two errant escapees were restored to the basket and it was secured again. 

I remember feeling a little bad for the poor creatures who had attempted to escape their cruel fate (read: our lunch the next day)

I also remember eating the selfsame crabs the next day. And believe me tinged with guilt they tasted sweeter - a bit like the famed forbidden apple.

That was the original sin.

Chapters 1-10:

You nipped at my feet

On an expansive stretch of pristine white sands

On a moonlit night

By the silvery waters of the Andaman Sea

You scuttled sideways into my plate

A study in scarlet.

Buttered.

Boiled.

Blanched.

Batter-fried.

Curried in a medley of orange and green

Devilled in a duet of cheese and pepper

Steamed in a bouquet of butter and garlic 

Fried with the trio of tomato, onion and potato

You came to me in a goblet of silver on ice.

You came to me on a banana leaf with rice.

I tore you apart with my ten digits

I hacked at your sweet creamy innards with my gleaming fork

I attacked your pincers

With my powerful weapons of crustacean destruction.

You waged a mean battle 

Even as a dead one

Refusing to yield 

Nice and easy

To a gentle poke

Or a violent jab.

I am not sorry I ate you.

My dear “pair of ragged claws”

You made a sinner of me.

Crab a la Shampa di which needs to be patented

Epilogue:

This post is a vindication of my sin. It is dedicated to all the little river crabs and all the giant sea crabs that have found their way into my belly.

No Blight on this Potato

The hint of smoky sweetness wafts over the dusty smog of the city

As I carry my Monday morning hangover face to work.

It carries with it a portent

Of a benevolent sun warming up my patch of checked gingham

Amid yowling dogs and bawling kids in my neighborhood park

This sweet potato on a stand beguiles you into believing

That there might be a cherry blossom

That will break out of the concrete jungle

This winter.

The misshapen body cased in brown

Yields a tender kernel of surprise.

Worn hands with a single perfectly manicured fingernail painted fire-engine red

Cajole the creamy whiteness out of its charred skin

They flick some magic powder out of an old plastic tin,

That had enjoyed its moment of glory under the spotlights at a department store

Many summers ago.

A fine dust

Covers the naked tuber in new clothes.

A drizzle of a young lemon’s fresh juices

Makes up my potato’s sweet face.

A single spoonful makes its way down my gullet

Creating a map

With cockle-warming grids in my belly

This spud of joy

Is my herald

To the first nip of winter.

Box of Rain

Raj Kapoor and Nargis in an iconic still from the film Shree 420 (1955)

"Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain."

- Billie Holiday

 

When I was younger, I saw life around me in its myriad hues. I saw it through a rose-tinted eyeglass I had crafted carefully through the years of my youth. And I believed in the romance of the rain. 

Calcutta is a city of bespoke romance. An oft-repeated event is customized to the individual skin. Like walking in the rain.

This fading, gloriously old-fashioned city is frozen in time. Fairy dust spewed by a mischievous imp floats around on some rare, wet, summer nights brewing trouble, drawing people together and spreading love. 

On such nights with a last magical stroke of the clock, time stops. Somewhere in the city, a woman big with child rests her tired muscles on a hard metal bed in between pregnant contractions. Her waters break in a frenzied gush. Almost in unison, the sky which has been still, breathless and silent till now, erupts in thunder, lightening and rain. The rains, they come. The lovers, they rejoice. They jostle for space under a single, slightly bent umbrella. their shoulders graze each other lightly, occasionally. It sends twin frissons of an awkward desire through two shy young lovers. They move away in embarrassment, only to be cajoled back into the space under the umbrella by the persistent pressure of Lady Rain, Patron Saint of Romance. 

 

An image from the newspaper of the wet streets of Delhi

Now I am older. I wear the bottoms of my trouser rolled. My days lie enveloped in a grey shroud. My deep slumber is interrupted by the ceaseless patter on candy striped window awnings. I wake up to a world pooled with slush, mildewed bread and green life crawling up my once-white walls.
I walk through flooded stretches of crater-sized potholes, markers of streets that once were. I collide with abandoned cows, cars with "Gujjar Boys" emblazoned on the back glass, bits of flotsam, bits of jetsam. I come home empathizing with drowned crows and bedraggled cats. I bring with me a trail of slime.
Romance just doesn't cut it anymore. My head crawls with hypochondriac nightmares. I can almost feel clumps of mould sprouting out from under my chin.
I crave for comfort food. I crave my mother's monsoon meals that cure everything from a case of blues to a cloudy cold. I crave the smells emanating from her magical kitchen that pierce through the grey blanket with the brilliance of a drop of sunshine trapped  in a multi-faceted crystal.
Every evening, I come back home and collapse on a rubber mat in a sodden tangle of rubber slippers, oversize umbrella and wet plastic bags and go over my wishlist before I can summon up the courage to let the damp out of my body and soul.

Wishlist

Khichudi:

Variously adapted and adopted as khichri, kedgeree, khicharee.
Food for the Gods. Simmered in gigantic cauldrons, it is the kind of yellow that feeds the masses and spreads festive joy.
Food for the body: A hearty and wholesome brew of the sort that is a cure for every ailment in its varying degrees of mildness and severity.
Food for the soul: the piping hot, bright yellow and glutinous mass is sunshine on a plate. Top it with Alu Bhaja (thin strips of turmeric and chilli coated potato deep fried in boiling oil), Beguni (batter-fried slices of brinjal) or Begun Bhaja (thick slices of brinjal fried in the same way as the potatoes), thick slices of fried aromatic Hilsa (the goddess of all that is fishy in Bengal) and/or a fluffy omelette stuffed with onions and green chillies. For this meal I would enter into a Faustian pact. This meal on a rainy day and my cup runneth over for now and evermore.

Onion Pakoras:

The crisp outer layers melt in your mouth to reveal the sweet onion bulbs inside. It is like popping a liqueur chocolate in your mouth and waiting for the surprise of alcohol melting all over your tongue. A delicate underpinning of green chilli and cilantro, a fine dust of the mysterious chaat masala and three bowls of tomato, mint and green chilli sauce form the  trusty sidekicks for the pakoras which launch an unabashed attack on the wet gloom. These golden fritters shaped like the tentacles of some alien octopi emerge onto the gray horizon like half a score visiting stars from a  neighboring galaxy.

Chicken Soup:

The strangely titled books such as Chicken Soup for the Latter-day Saint Soul have done little to take away from the ubiquitous comfort of inhaling the aroma of a large bowl of steaming old-fashioned chicken soup. The hunks of meat, the chunks of onion and carrot and the brown broth oozing with fresh flavours come together in a perfect opera. They sing to me of sunny days and warmer climes. This soup regulates the temperature around the cockles of your heart.

  

Coffee:

Not the kind that comes with smiling faces and elaborate maple leaves etched into its foam. Not the kind that makes you giddy with its decaf, low fat, mocha, caramelized, hazel nutted options. Just a (normal sized) cup of my mum's hand-beaten frothy and light coffee made out of Nescafe,  granulated and refined sugar and Mother Dairy's double toned milk and served in my favourite cup which is slightly chipped around the edges. Hot enough to sear the tender flesh at the edge of tongue. Hot enough to burn a chink into the gray armour clothing my heart.

Jalebi:

If a pretzel was born in India, it would be called a jalebi. However, it would be sweeter on the palate and more pleasing to the eye. This light and airy counterpart of the clunky European baked confection is a treat for every season. The hot molten jalebi breaks into a thousand delicate drops of sweet sugar syrup in your mouth. Hot jalebis fresh off the griddle served with a chilled kheer (a concoction made by boiling rice,milk and sugar) or a thick slab of vanilla ice cream are the stuff of a rainmaker's nightmare. They foretell days of endless sunshine without a drop of rain.

 

Gene Kelly singin' away in the rain

Checking things off my wishlist will mark a return to romance. The romance in simple things. The joy in a simple life. It will make me want to walk in the rain without a care. It will make me want to sing...in the rain.

Green Mango Delusions

Little droplets of sweet chutney

Dribble down my chin.

Thin slices encrusted with red chilli 

Burn their fiery way down my gullet

Chunks of fruit in a chicken and coconut curry

Do a little pirouette across my dinner plate. 

Roasted with a dash of spice, water and ice

It makes me swoon in sheer delirium.

You lie scattered all over my backyard on little squares of yesterday’s news

The jars of golden oil remind me of magical Arabian nights and forty broiled thieves

The process of pickling has begun.

I trap your memory in muslin-covered bottles.

Chase your shadow in candy bars, essences and fruit leathers.

Invoke your spirit with soaps, perfumes and aerated drinks. 

When the summer has receded into the innermost whorls of the last autumn flower.

I take that last bit of pickle from the jar

And close my eyes to share the delusions

Of mad dogs and Englishmen who go out in the midday sun. 

Ode to a Sun-Dried Tomato

Gently kissed by the sun,

You are like the light sprinkling of fairy dust

That creates a midsummer night’s mayhem.

You are the harbinger of that perfect wine-drenched afternoon

Redolent of the aromas of a Neapolitan kitchen.

You add a certain je nais sais quoi

To plates across the world.

Bottled to preserve the sunshine,

Your Midas touch

Transforms a modest slice of bread

Into an expensive dish with an unpronounceable name.

Like an artist’s palette,

You infuse colour and life

Into the smoked and dried winter meats.

Bringing a hint of summer artistry

Into the empty, grey canvas of December.

A little brown paper bag full of joy,

You, my lovelies,

Are the esoteric fifth element;

Of fragile terrines,

Of fragrant swirls of handcrafted pastas,

Of rich and mysterious sauces,

Of crisp garden salads,

Of beautiful meaty casseroles

And of dainty hors d’oeuvres

A delicate creature of whimsy,

You are crushed by men with deft fingers.

This little act of violence

Leaves little slivers of red trim in its wake.

You vanish without a trace

Down the serpentine belly of the city

All that remains is 

A dark red seed, a bit of pink skin

Along with crusty ends of   

Wood-fired pizzas

And drippings of cheese

On smooth wooden table tops

In warm attic cafes

Along cobbled alleys

In the markets of my city.